It has been a little while since my last post.  I am now another year older.  I traveled to Savannah for Thanksgiving with 2 small children (I’m not calling it vacation because it was a lot of work).  I’ve also been called “Clark Griswold” by my neighbors for my new strange obsession with putting up lights in the front yard. 

In this time, I’ve also learned a lot about my fitbit.  Did you know that a fitbit can confuse your elevated heart rate the morning after drinking with exercise?  It also confuses pushing a double stroller over cobblestone streets with bike riding.  If only it recognized toddler wrestling as the intense form of exercise that it truly is…

But dear readers, despite taking a short respite from FatGeriatrician.com, I have not taken a break from the gym!  

I’ve continued working out before the crack of dawn–hitting the gym at 5:00am at least 3 days a week for a month now.  Crazy, huh?  The 4:30am alarm is a harsh mistress.  

If you remember from post about spin class, I am motivated by the phrase, “remember your intention for doing this.”  

If you will indulge me a little, I will tell a tale of how I found my intention.

A few months ago I found myself in a candlelight kundalini yoga meditation class.   I know how that sounds–I’m not really a hippy-dippy, new age, weirdo.  But, I’d been a bit of a postpartum emotional mess, so I was trying new ways to calm myself down.   

The instructor wore all white, and had an almost cult-like happiness about her.  She took us through some brief stretches, and then we entered a 21 minute long meditation that was “for the heart and to gain clarity”.  She had us “set an intention” for the session.  I thought of my kids.  We chanted a mantra: 

Aad Guray Nameh
Jugaad Guray Nameh
Sat Guray Nameh
Siri Guru Dayvay Nameh

It meant something along the lines of “I bow to the wisdom within myself, the wisdom through the ages, the true wisdom, and the great unseen wisdom.”  This felt super weird at first.  I thought I might be getting punked.  But after the first 5 minutes or so, I stopped trying to sneakily open my eyes to see if it was a joke and everyone else was watching me be ridiculous, and I let myself get into it.  

The 21 minutes flew by, and part-way through tears just started streaming down my cheeks.  I wasn’t sure what was happening to me or why I was crying.  But then, the “remember your intention” went through my head again.  All of the sudden I could see my little boy’s smiling face.  Then it started slowly spinning.  It looked a little like this:

When the meditation session was over, I felt more calm and centered than I ever have.  I began to realize that my kids WERE my reason for pretty much everything now–and I needed to start being kind and gentle to myself so I could be kind and gentle with them.  

I’ve kept going to these weekly candlight meditation sessions.  And that smiling image has popped back into my head several times–usually when someone says something about “your intention.”  

I didn’t link “my intention” mental image from yoga to exercise until that fateful day at spin class when the instructor repeated “remember your intention for being here” like a mantra.  My sons smiling, spinning face continued to pop into my head, and I would tear up and pedal harder.  All of the sudden, I knew I needed to take charge of my physical health.  And I needed to do it so I can be present for my babies.  

Now when that 4:30 am alarm blares, I fight getting up for a few minutes, but eventually I remember my intention, swing my legs out of bed, and hit the gym.